OOOOMMMMMMMG!

I never really ventured into the world of yoga until after I had my first back surgery. I had a few small attempts, but it didn't stick. Life got in the way. Too much of being too busy to breathe in any pose other than "running man." I was addicted to the endorphins of aerobic exercise. The treadmill was my therapist. The recumbent bike my oxygen. Of course, I also listened to music, read AND watched whatever was on the community gym TV at the same time.

Shouldn't sound like a stretch that I went into my first real yoga studio kicking and screaming. (In my spa voice, of course.) My boyfriend and I bought a 2 week introduction deal where you could try any class you wanted, and attend as many as you could stomach (head stand) in 14 days.

Thank God he came with me. I have a bad track record of trying something new, feeling the uncomfortableness of the newness of it, and hitting the road. Running Woman Pose. With him there I felt not only more grounded, but obliged to follow through. Money had been spent!

Our first class was designed for people with neck and back problems. Those people...as in, the whole world. We were pleasantly surprised. Our teacher was a normal sized woman. Not a stick thin make-up-at-Starbucks type figurine of Los Angeles plastic, with perfectly placed sweat beads and an air of richness. But a real, accessible look you in the eyes yoga teacher who remembers your name and then remembers it again.

I was 4 months post op from a one level lumbar microdiscectomy. The most exercise I had done in between the anesthesia and this class was walking. It felt good to move again. Not exactly the same mind numbing rush as climbing the stair master. But one thing was clear. It was NOT just a stinky meditation class as I had feared. This was an unexpected present.

No moment like the present.

Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

If you keep one foot in today, and one foot in tomorrow, you piss on today.

Oops, I'm wandering. Ommmmmmmmmmmmggg. She's doing it! She asked us to OMMM. Oh well. Just this once. One, two, three.

Namaste.
>;<

Yoga...WHY?

In our world today we are faced with many hard to swallow truths; taxes are looming, a new president is steadying himself to end a war and the failing economy is shooting its pistol at our feet. The last thing that many of us might find at the top of our to-do lists is…RELAX. Relax? How? Friends, family and business associates are feeling the crunch left and right. Jobs are being lost, stocks crashing, and dreams falling to the wayside while we scramble to figure out what to simply do next. How could relaxing be an important priority or even a possibility in this climate?

I think of these things as I force myself to my second yoga class. Having just gotten over the flu, and previously a sinus infection that felt more like a bulldozer doing wheelies on my brain, I walk with my head held admittedly low and roll out my mat onto the gym room floor. I was a little worried because my neck had been bothering me for a couple of days, and I feared perhaps yoga would push me even further into feeling injury or pain.

As class begins I am immediately reminded of yoga’s principal to mind the breath and listen to your body. When thoughts are racing and chores are being set aside for this one 75 minute slice of life, it’s hard to not feel a little guilty taking time out to feed my soul with a little yoga love.

My breath. I find it, and listen intently to the teacher’s instructions as we move together as a class…like spokes on a wheel that are all supposed to roll together to make the wheel go round. Yet we have our own agendas, skills levels, and let’s face it…relaxation is a skill. I am starting to feel stress, to worry that together we won’t roll.

It only takes a few minutes for me to remember how wonderful I felt at the end of last week’s class. I surrender my worries, doubts and thoughts into this class of other citizens attempting to shed their stress even if only briefly.

Again I find my breath. The only constant in this fast paced world and in our ever-moving bodies. What happened almost immediately was I felt peace and calm. Sure, I heard the rushing of the cars outside on Ventura Boulevard. I heard the bang-bang-bang of some work being done down below. I even heard the gym staff watering the plants outside as the group of us breathed in, breathed out….and let go for a few brief moments.

Then, I head IT. It wasn’t the miscellaneous fart or bodily function I had bitten my nails about hearing before ever embarking on the yoga adventure. It was….orgasm sounds. A man to my right was making…what I could only classify as moans and groans of something that should not be heard outside of the bedroom.

Granted, he was “letting it all out” and in his own way “relaxing” but I felt really unnerved by these loud exalting moans made by a complete stranger. Who needs to “moan” while you’re in a yoga class?? I fixated on those sounds, and allowed it to interfere with my task of relaxing.

I wondered if anyone else was as offended as I was. I wondered if I would be able to return if Orgasm Man was to be in each class after that. Suddenly, I found myself thinking about work tomorrow, and all of the work I had missed being sick last week. I was thinking about how I had skipped cardio to do this class. And I was anxious.

But then, I looked over at Orgasm Man as I was doing my inversion poses. I was waving my legs up, down, open, closed, back and forward while holding my body up with my hands. I became distinctly aware of what a miracle it was for me to be in this pose, and to feel……to feel……nothing in my neck. No pain.

The look on his face was pure delight. It was relief. It was a look of being totally content.  So I released the feelings of angst I had for this stranger. Here he was just a man, attempting to do the impossible; relax in an impossible time to do so. And I felt a rush of pride for him.

Did this mean that I was too uptight? That I would have to learn to release my feelings of insecurity and someday I would be making blissful she-orgasm sounds of my own?  I concentrated on the positive things I could hear outside. I heard a little bird chirping in the tree. I heard other people simply allowing themselves to breath in the class. And I made a conscious effort to let go of Orgasm Man and let him do his thing. Who was I to judge??

When class was over I once again found myself completely limber, energized and cough, sputter, cough…….relaxed. RELAXED. Me!

So I guess I’m going to have to get used to the various aspects of letting go. It might include hearing what should be forbidden sounds from my neighbors as I stand in Warrior Pose. One thing is for sure, it’s quite a relief and no less than a miracle these days to see a group of people gathered together to consciously relax.

Taxes, the economy, potholes and rising interest rates are all reality…why shouldn’t letting go be one too?

Give yoga a try and you just might be surprised by how far “Relaxing” climbs to the top of your priority list.

CW

Copyright © 2012 Cave Woman Yoga All Rights Reserved

Yoga....WOW!

There I was lying on the table waiting for my new physical therapist to work her magic. It was the first time I was seeing this particular therapist and I’d heard she was a miracle worker. She went to work inspecting my body, back and neck.  That’s when I heard it. “WOW” was all she said and then there was……(complete silence.) Chirp Chirp.

I didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to know “Wow” was not the kind of “wow” I wanted to hear. It wasn’t like “Wow you’re so strong” or “Wow I like your tattoo.” It was simply wow, you are !(*#*@&ed up.

I came to her with several trips to the ER, orthopedic surgeons, neurosurgeons, acupuncturists and an MRI under my belt. Turns out I have three bulging disks in my cervical spine. (I remember asking my doctor, “Are you sure they’re just bulging, not hammering secret messages into my spinal cord?” That’s what it felt like anyway.

The miracle worker physical therapist hurt me good that day. Pushed and poked and pulled and I left in shameless tears. I saw her three times a week for several weeks until we were at the stage where I could hold my head up on my own (without assistance from my finger or a brace). She was proud of my progress but we both knew I had a long way to go in relearning how to move and hold my body. As I walked away that last day she had only one directive of wisdom to give me:

“You Must Try Yoga.”

Okay, so I had heard of the many beneficial aspects of yoga, but how on earth could I even attempt to get into all those funky positions if I couldn’t even master “Upward Blow Dry Hair” and “Sideways Neck Cradling Phone.” It was hard enough for me to accept that I had to MOVE in order to get better. Now I had to move, bend, bend further and stay? Yikes.

I fully accept and understand that yoga can heal one’s self in perhaps all areas of life: physiological, physical, mental, spiritual…yet why did it sound far easier to me to stop a moving train with my pinky?  What was causing me to resist?

Here we are two years later and I finally took at my first yoga class last week. I was so nervous that I found myself going against my original inner advice. I sought out the teacher, introduced myself, told her I was new (and scared!) and then…I rolled out my mat right in the front of class. I don’t know what I was thinking.  I had been planning on hiding in the back right or left corner. Slip in, slip out. But there I was….naked amongst this group of seasoned yogis. So to my surprise, throughout the class, the teacher made special effort to explain each movement. She kept running to me and telling me to spread my hands (I get it now, plant yourself to the earth—Have I told you how Type-A I am?) and she was especially careful to give alternate positions for people with neck issues. The class was hard and amazing all at once. A former “Yoga is not exercise” believer quickly shut her mouth up when she looked over and saw beads of sweat dripping down her arm while in Downward Dog….for the 20^th time!

By the end of class, I did not want to leave. I was so relaxed and limber. I was so proud of myself for being able to get into nearly every position with basic ease. This was not the pretzel twisting, upside-down trapeze swinging class I had feared. It was quiet, welcoming, energizing and relaxing. When class ended I thanked the teacher and shook her hand and said thank you. It was like a light I had been shielding my eyes from had finally peeped through. I felt so good and so excited for my next adventure.

As I drove off and looked at the sky with its big billowy clouds and bright blue sky their backdrop, I could think of only one thing to say.

“WOW.”

And then I vowed to go again.

CW

Copyright © 2012 Cave Woman Yoga All Rights Reserved

The Downward Dog Ate My Karma

If you are sometimes guilty of wearing a scarlet letter “A” (for Type-A personality) on your chest, then you might be familiar with the following scenario:

Just as I seem to cross one thing off of “The List” I think of two more to add. In fact, there were five things from yesterday’s list that never got done, so they too get added to today’s list. Tonight I’ll think of more things to add to tomorrow’s list, and can then re-list anything that was left off of last week’s list.

If you’re like me you might understand the hesitancy I had in trying yoga for the first time. (Not to mention the fact that as of this day I have yet to have the courage to walk into a class.) Ok, I just mentioned it. My Netflix membership provided me the luxury of ordering something as embarrassing as “Yoga For Dummies.”  This DVD sat untouched on my television for a month before being returned unwatched.

A few weeks later, I read an article about famed yoga instructor Rodney Yee. I ordered a beginner’s DVD to try at home. (If nothing else, I figured I’d see what this reported hottie looked like in his little tight yoga pants.) The “beginner’s” sequence was only 25 minutes. I lit some candles, turned out all the lights and sweetly but firmly told my kitty not to panic should she happen to see any foreign looks of “calm” “peace” or “relaxation” on my face. Mommy would be back to normal soon. And please, kitty, guard my list.

No question, Yee was beautiful and graceful, a true specimen to behold. It was a shame I had to look away so often to try and follow the move. I kicked myself (twice) for not trying the Yoga For Dummies DVD, as at least I could have seen more Yee as I quickly transitioned from Sun Salutation to Downward Facing Dog to Warrior Pose. I found myself wondering just how it is that people relax while performing so many different stances and focusing simultaneously on their breath.

I remember back to a meditation course I took in high school. Wow, that was many lists ago. The teacher knew I was struggling with the concept of slowing down, and the idea of just listening to my breath left my mind racing with to-do’s. He also knew I desperately wanted those skills, but simply had no idea how to get there. All I could think about was how does one get an “A” in meditation?? My teacher told me,“Tita, you need to only learn one instruction, and you will succeed.”  I pulled him aside and eagerly awaited my key to getting an “A.” 

He said, “Just Be.”

BE?  Just be……just be what?!?! What kind of instruction was that?  I will never forget the feeling of bewilderment and confusion I felt as I walked away. I still achieved an “A” in that class, but I never got what he meant.

Now having done my first Yee DVD a few times I feel intrigued by what I have found. There seems to be a hunger in me to learn more about this lifestyle that has millions of followers breathing easier. Certainly I can’t hear my inner thoughts while I am bouncing around on the stairmaster. So I decide to keep going.

A new hour long DVD sits unopened on my television. It arrived yesterday and I even scribbled “Yee” to today’s list (lest I forget that I am on a very tight schedule to relax.) You know, determined to slow down. Anxious to be calm. Obsessed with letting go. Hmmmmmmm. It appears I have much work to do.

At the supermarket tonight, I stood in line with my typical fare; Lean Cuisines, cat food, toilet paper, carrot sticks, tampons and gummy bears. Typical single woman trying to relax and take care of business all at once. I am unnerved because I have planned to be home by 7:00PM sharp to start my new yoga DVD. I tap my feet and find my hands on my hips. The lady in front of me is writing a check. (Who writes checks anymore?!) And something she bought is the wrong price, so she wants to return it. A call for the manager sounds overhead. I nervously scratch my temple and feel my pulse quicken, looking around at other lines. They all seem to be free flowing, like a mirage in the distance. All but mine.

In another instant I see a beautiful woman standing peacefully like a dancer. She has three other people in front of her at check out. Her head is held high and she is smiling. I am struck by the difference between this woman and myself. We are both in the same store, both waiting in line, both with somewhere to go. Yet she seems to be completely unconcerned with how long the line will take, and knows eventually, she will be home.

I think to myself: WWYD? (What Would Yogis Do?) Should I bust out a Tree Pose right here in the store? Practice breathing from my diaphragm? (I am certain my breath is coming from my throat at this point.) And I realize…Wow. This moment in time is a miracle. It’s a chance for me to change what I would normally do. And so I did it….I closed my eyes, relaxed my shoulders and let my belly puff out as I took a deep breath in. As I opened my eyes, the check-writing lady in front of me was gone and it was my turn to be asked “Paper or Plastic?” I smile at the cute young bagger, and tell him “You decide.”

Home now, I have lit the candles again, changed into comfy clothes and instructed kitty to stay put in her warm spot on the couch. The list can mind itself.

Tonight, I will promise to just Be……

CW

Copyright © 2012 Cave Woman Yoga All Rights Reserved

Of Yoga And Taxes

“Ting” went the celebratory champagne glasses as we toasted the fast approach of 2009. The New Year was only seconds away and the clock was ticking. Chocolate covered strawberry carcasses lay on their plates and the last of the bubbly was now waiting to be swallowed from our flutes.

Aaahhh. A New Year. A time for renewal, cleansing, and heart felt resolutions. This year will be different from all the rest.

I promise to change the oil in my car before the little sticker says I should.

I promise to do more crunches, turn off the TV, and floss even if nothing is stuck.

I promise to save money, be a better aunt, respect my mother, go to bed earlier and stop avoiding my friend who shall remain nameless, even though she’s the one who has been ignoring me, who never called me on my birthday and took me off her Top 8.

And last but not least, I promise to finally try Yoga.

Yoga. What is it about that word that instills me with such paralysis? I mean, how hard could it be? A few stretches, a little breathing, deep thoughts, some possible farts leaking out of the hairy guy in front of you during class….No big deal, right?

But then again, what if it was ME who farted??? I would never be able to show my face in class again.  Never. Besides, what if I suck? If I’m not as flexible as everyone else in class? Sure, I’m in good shape and can crank out an hour of cardio and leg lifts in my sleep. And I’m open-minded! I can do this. I can. I can. I think I can.

But yet, I have that brand new purple yoga mat I purchased months ago still sitting in its wrapper in my car. It leers at me when I go in and out of the gym. Hissing at me like a little purple Casper ghost saying “Wwwwwoooohhhhh, whyyyyy so scaaarrrrrreeeeddddd??  The big bad yogaaaaaaaa is going to ggrrrooowwwlll aaaatt yooouuuu??”

I now reach into my backpack full of excuses. You see, it’s nearing tax time. Taxes. One of life’s after school bullies. Just when you think you’ve learned all the rules and planned accordingly, WHAM—you owe. Then there’s work. It’s so stressful. But I have to work to pay my taxes. If I can’t pay my taxes I can’t sleep, and if I don’t sleep I sit hunched at my desk all day.  If I’m hunched at my desk all day my back hurts. The pain worries me and I become more stressed. I’m so stressed by my work that my back pain worsens and I need to hurry up and get to the gym for some relief. The traffic is so terrible that I panic while driving to the place I’m supposed to go and get relaxed. I get to the gym and the bike I wanted to ride is taken.  I forgot my ipod, and my back still hurts. I guess I’ll just do the stairmaster. I am so not relaxed.

I see the dark room to my left. I hear nothing and see only dark forms, which I assume are bodies on their mats. I look to my right and I see bouncing high strung bodies on cardio machines, TV’s blaring, bad remixes thumping on the loud speakers, cars whizzing by in the windows before us facing Ventura Boulevard. And again, I look to my left. I see Peace.

“And why am I not in there?” I ask myself. The answer is simple. Fear.

Five, four, three, two, one: “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” is bellowed by surrounding partygoers. Kisses are exchanged and some people are dancing. I realize I have been lost in what-if thoughts of 2009 and all the promises I planned on breaking by tax time.

And then I remember that room to my left…quiet and dark yet filled with relaxed participants. I shrug my shoulders, raise my glass and make a personal toast to abandon all resolutions except for one this year. I WILL TRY YOGA.  I will see what all this centeredness and breathing is about. I will face the Purple Casper in my car, unravel him from his wrapper and together we’ll face the fear. And who knows, we just might like it.

And yes, I will try again even if it’s me who farts in class. 

CW

Copyright © 2012 Cave Woman Yoga All Rights Reserved