If you are sometimes guilty of wearing a scarlet letter “A”
(for Type-A personality) on your chest, then you might be familiar with the
following scenario:
Just as I seem to cross one thing off of “The List” I think
of two more to add. In fact, there were five things from yesterday’s list that
never got done, so they too get added to today’s list. Tonight I’ll think of
more things to add to tomorrow’s list, and can then re-list anything that was
left off of last week’s list.
If you’re like me you might understand the hesitancy I had
in trying yoga for the first time. (Not to mention the fact that as of this day
I have yet to have the courage to walk into a class.) Ok, I just mentioned it.
My Netflix membership provided me the luxury of ordering something as
embarrassing as “Yoga For Dummies.” This
DVD sat untouched on my television for a month before being returned unwatched.
A few weeks later, I read an article about famed yoga
instructor Rodney Yee. I ordered a beginner’s DVD to try at home. (If nothing
else, I figured I’d see what this reported hottie looked like in his little
tight yoga pants.) The “beginner’s” sequence was only 25 minutes. I lit some
candles, turned out all the lights and sweetly but firmly told my kitty not to
panic should she happen to see any foreign looks of “calm” “peace” or
“relaxation” on my face. Mommy would be back to normal soon. And please, kitty,
guard my list.
No question, Yee was beautiful and graceful, a true specimen
to behold. It was a shame I had to look away so often to try and follow the
move. I kicked myself (twice) for not trying the Yoga For Dummies DVD, as at
least I could have seen more Yee as I quickly transitioned from Sun Salutation
to Downward Facing Dog to Warrior Pose. I found myself wondering just how it is
that people relax while performing so many different stances and focusing
simultaneously on their breath.
I remember back to a meditation course I took in high
school. Wow, that was many lists ago. The teacher knew I was struggling with
the concept of slowing down, and the idea of just listening to my breath left
my mind racing with to-do’s. He also knew I desperately wanted those skills,
but simply had no idea how to get there. All I could think about was how does
one get an “A” in meditation?? My teacher told me,“Tita, you need to only learn
one instruction, and you will succeed.”
I pulled him aside and eagerly awaited my key to getting an “A.”
He said, “Just Be.”
BE? Just be……just be
what?!?! What kind of instruction was that?
I will never forget the feeling of bewilderment and confusion I felt as
I walked away. I still achieved an “A” in that class, but I never got what he
meant.
Now having done my first Yee DVD a few times I feel
intrigued by what I have found. There seems to be a hunger in me to learn more
about this lifestyle that has millions of followers breathing easier. Certainly
I can’t hear my inner thoughts while I am bouncing around on the stairmaster.
So I decide to keep going.
A new hour long DVD sits unopened on my television. It
arrived yesterday and I even scribbled “Yee” to today’s list (lest I forget
that I am on a very tight schedule to relax.) You know, determined to slow
down. Anxious to be calm. Obsessed with letting go. Hmmmmmmm. It appears I have
much work to do.
At the supermarket tonight, I stood in line with my typical
fare; Lean Cuisines, cat food, toilet paper, carrot sticks, tampons and gummy
bears. Typical single woman trying to relax and take care of business all at
once. I am unnerved because I have planned to be home by 7:00PM sharp to start
my new yoga DVD. I tap my feet and find my hands on my hips. The lady in front
of me is writing a check. (Who writes checks anymore?!) And something she
bought is the wrong price, so she wants to return it. A call for the manager
sounds overhead. I nervously scratch my temple and feel my pulse quicken,
looking around at other lines. They all seem to be free flowing, like a mirage
in the distance. All but mine.
In another instant I see a beautiful woman standing
peacefully like a dancer. She has three other people in front of her at check
out. Her head is held high and she is smiling. I am struck by the difference
between this woman and myself. We are both in the same store, both waiting in
line, both with somewhere to go. Yet she seems to be completely unconcerned
with how long the line will take, and knows eventually, she will be home.
I think to myself: WWYD? (What Would Yogis Do?) Should I
bust out a Tree Pose right here in the store? Practice breathing from my
diaphragm? (I am certain my breath is coming from my throat at this point.) And
I realize…Wow. This moment in time is a miracle. It’s a chance for me to change
what I would normally do. And so I did it….I closed my eyes, relaxed my
shoulders and let my belly puff out as I took a deep breath in. As I opened my
eyes, the check-writing lady in front of me was gone and it was my turn to be
asked “Paper or Plastic?” I smile at the cute young bagger, and tell him “You
decide.”
Home now, I have lit the candles again, changed into comfy
clothes and instructed kitty to stay put in her warm spot on the couch. The
list can mind itself.
Tonight, I will promise to just Be……
CW
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